2015 sucked. Nope, I take that back.
2015 completely sucked huge, effing balls. There, that’s a better representation of how I feel.
I started 2015 by learning how terrifying a MRI machine is to someone who is claustrophobic. I also learned Xanax does absolutely nothing for me. I found out these two things, at the same time. As I was laying in an enclosed space, and could not/should not move or else I would have had to do it all over again. It sucked.
I found out what it was like to have a lumbar puncture, a.k.a, a spinal tap, and subsequently found out what a weeklong migraine felt like – but only if I did ANYTHING other lay down for more than 3 minutes. That REALLY sucked.
THEN, I found out what happens when the neurologist doesn’t give the correct instructions to the phlebotomist, which results in improperly drawn blood which THEN results in the lab being unable to test you for the one disease that you are being tested for. Now THAT was funny. I’m kidding… that sucked too.
photo credit: 351/365 – two reasons via photon (license)
Then I had to get a new referral for a new neurologist! Let me tell you that… well, that didn’t suck. He’s a specialist, and really good and I feel like I am in capable hands, now. Okay, that ended up well, and didn’t suck at all. Okay, well back to the sucky stuff…
Well, then I got diagnosed with Relapsing Remitting Multiple Sclerosis in July. And let me tell you, that did suck. It sucks that my immune system is attacking the myelin around my spinal cord and parts of my brain. Which explains the weird electric shocks I get in my legs when I put my chin to my chest. As well as the reasons why it is hard for me to find the word when I spoke and all the things I would forget, every day. Or why I couldn’t read more than a paragraph at a time, or focus for more than 30 seconds. Also, it explained why my hands were numb, all the time, and why the numbness would spread up my arms when I got tired. Yeah, all that sucked.
But, now that I think about it, maybe that didn’t suck as badly as I think…
Maybe, the diagnosis gave me the reason why. Maybe the diagnosis meant that I could get treatment and possibly see my symptoms not get worse – or better yet, regress! Also, the diagnosis meant I could participate in research studies that might help doctors understand the disease better. Yeah, all those things didn’t suck at all… in fact, I like them all.
Okay, well, here is one that really, REALLY sucks: After 4 years of tireless dedication, I had to leave my beloved tae kwon do school. The reasons why I left really sucked too: I simply did not agree with the owner about the direction he had chosen to take the school in, and I could not sit idly by and support it with my silence. See, that does REALLY suck!
Except for the part where I stood up for and upheld my principles. I, and my friends, fought for what was right. And we did it openly and honestly. We spoke up about the injustice and hypocrisy. We cleared our conscience.
Okay, that was hard to do, but it was the right thing. And the right thing can’t completely suck, right?
Not to mention, doing the right thing pointed me in a new direction. A direction that has opened my eyes to the love from the wonderful people that are around me. A direction that is potentially creating a new foundation for me and my future. A direction that clearly shows me that one day, maybe I can do what I love – everyday. A direction that points me to the light.
Well, shit, that doesn’t suck at all.
Well, 2015, that doesn’t excuse all the other sucky things you pulled in 2015. And I won’t forgive you. And I won’t look back on you, any more (no matter how many times Facebook tries to lure me with the offers to see “Your Year In Pictures”)! You were a dark year, 2015, and I will not wallow in your darkness, but turn my face to the light of the dawn of 2016. Because that, my friends, does not suck, at all…
“Bye, bye, one-five.” ~ Harry Wadsworth Longfellow