It Is Awesome When a Good Mom Goes Bad…

I am the. Worst. Mom. Ever.

Unfit, even. Seriously.

Okay, I might be slightly exaggerating, but I do know that I earned a big fat ‘F’ in being a parent today. But the worst part of it all? My kid was not shocked nor worried. What are the chances it is because my kid is a laid back, non worry-wart kind of kid and NOT just used to his mom rating a ‘F’ in parenting on a daily basis? Yeah, I didn’t think so either.

In my defense, the past few weeks have been insane (hence the radio silence on this blog). Extended family issues and commitments required us to travel to Chicago for a week. More specifically, two days in a car, four days in Chicago and then two more days in the car coming home. As much as I hate leaving my family in Chicago, it would have been an understatement to say that we were happy to be back in Denver. Ben was excited to go back to school. Does that give you an indication of how happy we were? Precisely.

This morning was the usual ritual – breakfast, dressed, teeth brushed, hair combed and as he was walking out the door – I wished him a great day and said I would see him after school. I was off to start my day.

Flash forward to approximately 1:45 pm when in the reflection of my computer monitor I see Carol (Chloe’s karate sherpa-extrodinaire and all-around amazing person) pull up in front of my house. As I turned around, I then saw my son bound out of her car which immediately made expletive laced questions race through my mind. As my feeble, travel-weary brain tried to comprehend WHY my child is home HOURS early, I heard my son call out (good-naturedly):

“Mommy, did you forget about my early release today?”

The realization that I had forgotten my son’s early release from school, (and ultimately forgetting my son) made my neck give up its fight to maintain my head in an upright position, and made my mind scream f-bombs like it was the only word I knew. I then had visions of my son sitting outside of the school, sobbing to a random teacher, “Boo hoo hoooooo! My mom forgot meeeeeee!”

Come to find out, that is not what happened at all. It was calm and funny situation and when I didn’t answer my phone, the school called my husband, who called Carol after he was unable to reach me. (Sidebar – I should totally be banned from using the vibrate option on my phone. I am betting there are a few of my family members that are willing to start and sign that petition, too.) And that is how I got a big, fat ‘F’ in parenting for the day, again.

Also, after my subsequent I-am-a-horrible-parent binge on Easter candy, I confessed my sin to my little sister who, quite callously (if I do say so myself), laughed maniacally. When I inquired as to what was so damn funny, she uttered this:

“It is so awesome when a good mom goes bad.”

She thought it was precious that I, who she (misguidedly) believes that as a parent I sometimes have my shit together, fell on my face. Nothing like family members jumping right into your nightmare with you. Come on in, the water is fiiiiiiiiine

She then reminded me that I probably just earned my I-forgot-my-child-which-will-give-him-hours-of-fodder-for-his-therapy-sessions-when-he-is-an-adult merit badge. I informed her that after two days of traveling with children, I didn’t feel it was unreasonable to demand that the school kept my child until 3:30 pm, dammit!

I was wrong. Comma, again. *sigh*

Today’s black belt characteristic absolutely has to be modesty. For the sheer fact that no matter how awesome and organized you try to be in parenting, you must always remember that you are not (and most importantly – cannot) be perfect, all the time. And when you have failed miserably, you can fall back on the knowledge that no one is perfect. And that no matter how hard you try not to mess up your kids, there will always be hours of therapy sessions logged because of something you did. Okay, that may be more like resignation than modesty, but who’s counting?

About Jess

Hi, I am Jess. I am an unemployed, overweight thirty-something wife with two kids who has decided to set the goal of earning a black belt in tae kwon do, along side my seven (going on twenty-eight) year old son. I am a serial quitter. I also may be the clumsiest person on earth. This is going to be hard. And really, really funny.

Posted on April 25, 2012, in Modesty, Parenting and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Yep… still awesomely hilarious. And also consider this my signature on the petition to un-vibrate your phone. :)

  2. It takes a village . . .

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