The words, “You need a neurologist,” were still ringing in my ears. The implication in that statement was clear. My condition was not a pinched nerve, as I had initially hoped. It could be the “other” possible diagnosis: multiple sclerosis.
That possibility rattled in my head while I navigated my learning curve of receiving a referral to a neurologist. At the time, I didn’t even have a primary care physician. For the first time in my life, I acted immediately on a medical recommendation. Some would call it a miracle.
I called to make an appointment with my new primary care physician, and the first available time was when I was scheduled to be out of town for work. They found an available appointment time for the day after I returned home from my business trip. I resolved to work hard and put all of my worries and concerns behind me during my business trip. And I could have been successful at putting it out of my mind if it wasn’t for one huge issue. I work with four individuals who, in the past 10 years, have become part of my family. Keeping this possible diagnosis from them was not a possibility.
I knew there was only one way I could tell them. I had to get “Gone in 60 Seconds”, white-girl-type drunk. And to make a long story short… I did.
Photo courtesy of Andy Watson-Smith via flickr.
Of course, they were completely supportive and made the whole situation better by keeping me laughing with jokes. It’s how we roll. It’s how we cope.
After that night, I felt better and kept the hope that it wasn’t MS, but something much easier to fix and much less permanent. It could be a vitamin B deficiency! I had hope.
Until two days later, when I woke up and my vision was off. When I closed my left eye, I realized it was my right eye that I was experiencing issues with. It was like the top third of my vision in my right eye was tinted dark, like a car window tint. I could still see, but it was dark and I had a lot less definition.
All my mind could process was, “Okay, what in the eff is this?”
Once I arrived at my office, I told my (very close) friend and colleague John that I was having difficulty seeing clearly. His immediate response?
“If you go all crazy-eyed, all of our future meetings will ONLY be via phone.”
I nearly peed I laughed so hard. And I needed to laugh. Badly.
So, to show my appreciation, I decided to send him a text. In essence, it said:
Inappropriate? Yes. Sometimes, inappropriateness is required. When is it required, you inquire? At about the time that my inability to see clearly helped me prepare for the future.
The future that contained a real possibility of a diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis for me. That future, I can see clearly, now…
Today, I am dedicating my blog post to the black belt characteristic of modesty. Recently, I witnessed a group of kids display a great deal of modesty and compassion towards others, by being wise enough to realize that even though they are in a position to judge others, there is a way to do it kindly, constructively and without superiority. It was beautiful. It refreshed my faith in humanity. There is hope…